That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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