We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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