I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
