I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
