Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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