I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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