Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
