so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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