i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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