okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
