STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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