she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
