i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
