For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
