I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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