He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i believe in u and ur pee
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