i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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