I want to have your abortion
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
