I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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