I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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