Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
