I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
