I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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