We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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