My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
