Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
