I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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