real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sarcasm needs its own font
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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