Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
