I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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