He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
