Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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