Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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