I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think my moral compass just broke
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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