i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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