i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
