So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
