What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
