Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
