pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
