Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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