i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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