rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
