He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
