Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
