The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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