Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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