I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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