My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
