did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
