3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
