A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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