The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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