did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
