why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
