I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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