Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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