k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
