I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
