he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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