when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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